I have been in a relationship for 5 months going on 6 months coming May 30th 2009 - The girl that I am with is amazing, most of the time, other times she can be a real nag, and I mean it in no offense to her, she only wants the best from her, and I want to give her that, but to be honest it is really hard to do, and does take some time to get use to, and to change for myself.
When we first started going out she was not interested in a relationship at all, let alone dating, however overtime I showed her that I really cared and wanted to be with her, so me been Chance, she gave me one. Over the past few months their has been a few things she has wanted me to change, as well as a few things I have wanted to change in myself, to make myself a better healthier person, and lover.
Some of these things include, been more responsible, by living on my own, working a job that I like, that pays well, and actually gives me a career in, so i'm not always doing contract work. Quit Smoking. Quit Smoking Buds, become more clean, become more healthy, and been more social. in most cases these are things I want myself, but these are also things that she really wants to see changed quickly.
So over the past few months, my smoking has completely stopped, exact the times when I get drunk. which hopefully this weekend was the last weekend that I smoke anything cigs or weed. At first I started on the Patch, but I came to realize to use the patch you have to use it for months and months, which doesn't really help, as if you miss a day, you crave a cigarette hardcore, which was happening to me some days. After a few months of going in an out, I managed to fully quit smoking. Stupid thing I did was this weekend I knew I was going to get loaded, so i borrowed some cigarettes of my land lord, as I knew I would be drunk and needed smokes. So when we got up north and I started drinking BAM the smokes came out, my GF took them out of my mouth and threw them away, goo thinking, I don't blame her, she was doing only good for me as I shouldn't really be smoking, however it took me a day to realize HEY THIS IS NOT COOL
I have an addictive personality, from Games, to Drugs, to just been lazy!! I lack going to the gym, as I don't want to walk to the gym or do it by myself, but the only way it's going to get done is if i motivate myself. a few years ago i had a really bad drug problem, doing really bad drugs, now I just smoke pot, but I hope for that to change, going less and less, and hopefully by the end of the month I should be quit, I hope at least.
I also very un-active, since coming back from Calgary, i don't Bike, i don't jump on a trampoline, and well I don't even walk half as much as I use to. So I'm hoping now (halfway through May) to start back up, my morning routine that I was doing back in Calgary, which was waking up, eating, going for a morning jog, get home, and do some crunches, pushups, sit up, jumping' jacks, and lift some weights (though right now all I have is a 25 lb weight) and it is really heavy. This needs to change and it needs to change now, Summer is right now, and i'm 220 pounds! and I should be 200!! and so many people were talking about my gut this weekend, it really put me in a emo state
My Job, my job is good, it pay is crappy, when you look at it like that 14$ an hour, 40 hour weeks, and well i pay 400$ for rent, and well usually have debt, as it's really hard to live off of in Ontario with the crazy taxes , and well my drug problem, but that is hopefully changing sometime soon. I work for apple care support and love the environment, however sometimes it can really be stressful, with Managers and agents getting fired left right and centre, and stupid workers with really simple questions. thats all I have to say about work right now
My Stubbornness, when I get mad things start to suck, I get snotty and snoooty you could say, been a Taurus it does not really help, and when I get into fights, either I'm right, or I say i'm completely wrong and just want to leave, however I am managing myself on how to talk and communicate, on phone, in person, and even have serious talks on MSN when we cannot talk in person .
I found something from my old hidden blog, which I know my girlfriend will enjoy reading, so here is some clippings from the blog, enjoy ;-)
Day 01 with _ _ _ _ _ ,
today was one of the best days I have had since coming back to Toronto, I went on a date with this wonderful lady, she brings a smile to my face everything I think about her, or look at her on facebook, that might seem a little stalkerish, but we had so much fun, or day consisted of going out and having some dinner, and then going to see a movie, Bee Movie. I met her a few months ago,and could have met her back then when her birthday was happening, but I bailed, and well she didn't really message me.
Day 05, Each day with this girl keeps getting better and better, this might sound lame, but she's the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last thing I think of when I goto sleep, and all during the day I am messaging her as I want to talk to her more and more, she doesn't want a relationship, however I think i'm pretty sure she knows what I want, and well she doesn't seem to be ignoring me
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Some interesting things have been happening in my life, both positive and negative, my birthday just passed and I am now 24 years old, with no college or university degree, my parents wont help pay for my schooling, or let me live their room and board free while I take school. So i'm left, saving for it on my own or getting a government loan, to help pay for schooling. Not to mention I don't even have the slightest possibility of what I want to do, well no I do: Robotics, I.T. , Teaching, is all I can think of, I love training people , when i'm at work, or with friends and family, with computer stuff, or just useful stuff, robotics always interests me, as some of you know I use to belong to a robotic community and then i suddenly left, due to a crazy ex girlfriend who did not like me doing that kind of stuff. In most cases I would probably want to become a teacher of some sort. But right now working for 14$ at an Apple Support Help Desk, doesn't really help out, what to do!
other things that are happening in my life, if my addictive personality, I do have an addictive personality and I have went to Rehab programs to help cleanse myself, needless to say living in Canada, finding people your age that don't smoke pot is a hard thing to do.
Recently I quit smoking, I wouldn't say i am 100% done, as I had some smokes while I was on my May 24 break with friends, which made my girlfriend really upset, she wants me to change this and that, to make a better us, which I understand, but some things are hard to quit, in my eyes...
My girlfriend asks so much for me, when we first started dating, we had to be open, she was and still is getting over a relationship that lasted 5 years for her, and her EX is similar to me, except, a few things I want to change and I want to change within the next year, and even now I want to change more, like right away. She wouldn't even go out with me, until i tried and tried I could see that she was the one for me, but now i;m having 2nd doubts,she wants me to change so quickly, which is good and will make me have a healthier lifestyle but doing so many things at once changing, on things that you have done for years is hard. I have quitted smoking dope, on big occasions except this weekend and on my vacation, but now things will be cleaning as im cleaning out my room later today of all bad things I have, so I will not be tempted to use them again
I am quitting my smoking cravings this week, smoking dope, and cigarettes when i drink/socialize, another thing, my health and wellness for me and the close people around me, below you will find a detailed list of what is happening and my life long goals.
List of Goals
- Stop Smoking - I've been smoking since I was 15, so I should stop before i reach 10 years
- physical health - Un-active the past few months other then going
- eat healthy - eat healthy
- stop smoking buds - really bad highly addictive and leads to doing other drugs
- stop partying hard when at a party - I have been known
- more open/social - as I am really lacking that
- tell the one im close too what im looking for and what I need to make a relationship work.
What am i looking for in a girl. Well defiantly a girl with a strong head on her shoulder, clean, doesn't smoke, or is in the mist of stoping, is clean and has responsibility.....
This post will be re-edited I am just currently at work, blogging away my mind, and figured I would share that with all who reads this right now...
Peace Out